How To Properly Dispose Of Edward Cullen

First, he needs to be present at Bella and Jacob's wedding. After he has had his share of tears, say you have a gift for him. Take him into an empty room and give him the gift. When he opens it, he shall see something terrible. Something vomit inducing. Something vile. A plush pink teddy bear he can hold onto during the ritual of death we shall bestow upon him. Next, point to the sky and say "Look! A bird!" While he is trying to find the graceful creature, pull out a wax replica of Bellas bloody, mangled head. He shall tremble in fear of the death of his beloved. He shall ask "WHERE IS HER BODY!!!!!" and you shall say "Over yonder in that house on the field."

That is when you take him to the old abandoned house. Tell him the body is in the bath tub. When he leans over to search, push him into the asbestos filled tub. Pull out the rather large....no, rather mammoth like in size butcher knife that you conviently carry around in your pocket that you got from Butch The Butcher down the street to sharpen your oversized pencil. When he stands up, his head will be sliced off by the "accidental" placement of the knife. Stuff him in a bag and exit the house. Walk down the path leading from the house where some Native Americans are having a Pow-Wow. Tell them that there is food in the bag and ask if you can roast it up for their supper. Open up the bag, toss him into the fire, and run.

Death At Last

At Last, The World Is At Peace

32 Ways Edward Should Suffer

1. Choking On Eraser Shavings
2. Getting A Large Carrot Stuck In His Nose
3. Getting Shot With Thumb Tacks
4. Inhaling Burnt Wool
5. Getting Stuck In The Bottom Of A Foam Pit
6. Having A Lawn Mower Run Over His Legs
7. A Crazy Man giving Him Papercuts Between His Fingers
8. Getting Run-Over By A Flock Of Yaks
9. Having His Eyeballs Ripped Out By A Rabid Elephant
10. Tripping Over A Fruit Basket into A Pile Of Mushy Pasta
11. Having Pencils Shoved Into His Ears
12. Make Him Groom Alpacas All Day
13. Strap Him To A Billboard In A Thunder Storm
14. Strap Him To A Mule While Wearing Maroon Suspenders
15. Make Him Listen To Miley Cyrus Play Bagpipes
16. Fill A Cup Up With Bella's Blood And Tell Him It's Punch
17. Make Him Be A Cheerleader
18. Smother Him With An Old Fat Guy
19. Wrap In Duct Tape And Throw Into Pond Of Electric Eels
20. Make Him Swim In A Vat Of Electric Barbecue Sauce
21. Change His Name To JoAssaphine
22. Make Him Wear A Santa Suit In The Summer
23. Get Chip Fragments Stuck In His Throat
24. Wax ALL Of His Hair Off
25. Make Him Sing Mary Had A Little Lamb Over And Over Again
26. Make Him Buy A Hairless Cat Named Otis
27. Make Him Lick A Rat
28. Hit Him Over The Head With A Plastic Chicken
29. Use Him As A Baseball Bat
30. Flush Him Down A Toilet
31. Force Him To Eat "I Can't Believe It's Not Turkey Tofu"
32. Chop Him Up Then Slowly Roast Each Body Part

101 Things That Are Better Than Edward

1. Brussel Sprouts
2. Chinese Food
3. Our English Teacher
4. Llamas
5. Fire
6. French Fries
7. Teeth
8. Spanish Class
9. Chess
10. Mules
11. Clog Dancers
12. Gym
13. Walmart
14. Mild Velvet
15. Bagpipes
16. Napoleon Dynomite
17. Spectacles
18. Paper
19. A Garbage Can
20. The Trash In The Garbage Can
21. Nacho Libre
22. Harry Potter
23. Bob The Builder
24. Toilets
25. Tangerines
26. Maracas
27. Moccasins
28. A Bad Haircut
29. Baked Alaska
30. Moldy Asparagus
31. Underwear
32. An F-
33. North Davis Preparatory Academy
34. Bananas
35. Chinese Jump Rope
36. This Blog
37. Star Wars
38. Your Face
39. Dentures
40. Carpet
41. Dirt
42. Armpits
43. Pencil Sharpeners
44. Flashlights
45. Trailer Parks
46. Microwaves
47. Plastic
48. Crippled Gorillas
49. Chinaware
50. Mittens
51. Electric Saws
52. Bingo
53. Autumn
54. Lima Beans
55. Vats Of Toxic Butter
56. Wizard Of OZ
57. Unibrows
58. Cheese Puffs
59. Hyenas
60. Writing Essays
61. Molasses
62. Morning Dew
63. Tupperware
64. Unicorns
65. Mortitians
66. Snorkeling
67. Rachel
68. Yom Kippur
69. Courdory
70. Boxing A Chinchilla
71. Playing Bingo By Yourself
72. Yaks
73. Kumquats
74. Denim
75. Basil
76. Parsley
77. Flibbertigibets
78. Micro Plush Blankets
79. Yogurt
80. Watching The Wind Blow Through The Trees
81. Liberty Moonbeam
82. Wind Chimes
83. Father Time
84. Cortnie
85. Stone Wonder Cloud
86. Botox
87. Bow Ties
88. Alpacas
89. Wishing Wells
90. Cauliflower
91. Tapestries
92. Talent Industry
93. Drapes
94. Delicatessan
95. Rhombuses
96. Mike Shinoda
97. Granulated Sugar
98. Harmonicas
99. Tie Dye
100. A Smelly Bus
101. Corn

Edward Cullen-the song

Edward Cullen-the song

Edward Cullen is a dipstick
Edward Cullen likes to wear lipstick

Edward Cullen can't go to bed
Edward Cullen needs to wash his head

Edward Cullen cannot eat
Edward Cullen has hairy feet

Edward Cullen's face hurts my eyes
Edward Cullen should buy a disguise

Edward Cullen sparkles like a little girl
Edward Cullen makes me want to hurl

Edward Cullen is really barf-looking
Edward Cullen should be in the fire cooking

Edward Cullen is really lame
Edward Cullen does not deserve fame

Edward Cullen has a really hairy chest
Edward Cullen should wear a vest

Edward Cullen is really ugly
Edward Cullen fits in a fire quite snugly

Edward Cullen should die
There is no use living your lie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!