32 Ways Edward Should Suffer

1. Choking On Eraser Shavings
2. Getting A Large Carrot Stuck In His Nose
3. Getting Shot With Thumb Tacks
4. Inhaling Burnt Wool
5. Getting Stuck In The Bottom Of A Foam Pit
6. Having A Lawn Mower Run Over His Legs
7. A Crazy Man giving Him Papercuts Between His Fingers
8. Getting Run-Over By A Flock Of Yaks
9. Having His Eyeballs Ripped Out By A Rabid Elephant
10. Tripping Over A Fruit Basket into A Pile Of Mushy Pasta
11. Having Pencils Shoved Into His Ears
12. Make Him Groom Alpacas All Day
13. Strap Him To A Billboard In A Thunder Storm
14. Strap Him To A Mule While Wearing Maroon Suspenders
15. Make Him Listen To Miley Cyrus Play Bagpipes
16. Fill A Cup Up With Bella's Blood And Tell Him It's Punch
17. Make Him Be A Cheerleader
18. Smother Him With An Old Fat Guy
19. Wrap In Duct Tape And Throw Into Pond Of Electric Eels
20. Make Him Swim In A Vat Of Electric Barbecue Sauce
21. Change His Name To JoAssaphine
22. Make Him Wear A Santa Suit In The Summer
23. Get Chip Fragments Stuck In His Throat
24. Wax ALL Of His Hair Off
25. Make Him Sing Mary Had A Little Lamb Over And Over Again
26. Make Him Buy A Hairless Cat Named Otis
27. Make Him Lick A Rat
28. Hit Him Over The Head With A Plastic Chicken
29. Use Him As A Baseball Bat
30. Flush Him Down A Toilet
31. Force Him To Eat "I Can't Believe It's Not Turkey Tofu"
32. Chop Him Up Then Slowly Roast Each Body Part